#2, Literally…

Scatological comments are inappropriate just about anywhere but a dog park, but has there ever been a guy whose job performance has been as fetid as Dick Cheney’s?

Putting Iraq aside (which is tough to do), one needs to look no further than his influence on energy matters to convict him of all the feasances: mis, mal and non.

First, he had a plan that he didn’t deign to share with the American people…the folks he is sworn to serve. Ironically, this might be the only evidence that actually supports those who assert that the Yale flunkout is – contrary to all empirical evidence – an intelligent human being. Cheney realized that not telling anyone about his plan meant that he would never be held accountable, something that the mainstream media seems to ignore…in order to report on expensive haircuts, controversial pastors and BBQ’s hosted by presidential candidates at their rustic cabins.

Secondly, the “policy” he crafted obviously wasn’t very good, outside of those who toil in the oil business, of course. In other words, #2’s policy helps two to three million people at the expense of almost three hundred million others.

Third, this is not the “free market.” If this was the will of the “free market” then why did the second most powerful public official in the world have to work in secret to impact it?

Four, another right wing hysteria point is that the energy crisis is about supply…but they neglect to discuss the ways in which supply can be affected. For example, supply can be impacted by discovering new supplies of the same source, developing alternatives to the source, or via conservation of all known sources. If, after all, the demand side of the market uses less, the supply side of the market will have more to sell.

Unfortunately, basic logic is somehow lost on Mr. Cheney, but that shouldn’t surprise anyone. He, after all, still thinks that Don Rumsfeld did a bang up job over at the Pentagon.

The Supes, The Dollar, McInsane, OBL & Drilling Fever

The Supreme Court: Seems to have sniffed the smelling salts with respect to basic rights.

The dollar: Yeesh, the only collapse bigger than the Mets in September of 2007, or the Lakers last night, might be the greenback. The problem with expanding the national debt by trillions of dollars to occupy Iraq has pummeled our currency. Never has a picture of George Washington been so desecrated…and the guy to blame is another guy named George.

McInsane: Kudos to General Wesley Clark for calling out McInsane’s judgment. All the talk about McInsane’s unimpeachable national security credentials is ridiculous. He was a POW for five years in Viet Nam…not a resident of the Middle East negotiating diplomacy deal points. He is valorous and has a surplus of personal courage that most people cannot fathom, much less emulate. As far as an understanding of what needs to be done in Iraq, however, he is a tyro.

More McInsane: I can go to a bar right now and find people that have been drinking beer for decades. Does it mean they know anything about fermenting anything besides their livers? No.

New game in town: there’s a new game where you turn on FOX and wait for them to mention Osama bin Laden, the guy who killed almost 3,000 Americans back in 2001. The only problem is that no one’s thirst gets quenched. The triple-chinned loudmouth wimps are too busy making tasteless remarks about people’s wives to talk about the administration’s criminal neglect of pursuing a man with blood on his hands.

Energy Crisis: drill, drill, drill drones the right…in an issue of supply and demand, their solution is to increase the supply of oil, neglecting the fact that there just isn’t that much oil in the places they want to drill. More important, they completely ignore the notion of conservation and the obvious need for new technologies and efficiencies that conserve it.

A Tale of Three Cities

So much going on the wide, wide world of politics…with Barack Obama’s thrill of victory only matched by Hillary’s agony-inducing refusal to admit defeat.

Minneapolis-St. Paul:
The best candidate, who happens to be a person of color, is the current favorite to win the presidency. Imagine rousting Jefferson, Washington and the rest of the Continental Congress from their graves and showing them that development…

New York:
Hillary Clinton had a historic opportunity to throw her support behind Senator Obama, but she chose to play the moment for herself rather than her party and country. When she rhetorically asked, “What does Hillary want?” and responded by going through a laundry list of things that all Democrats want – it was the biggest canard since she talked about her bullet-dodging exploits on foreign tarmacs. If Hillary wanted universal health care, an end to the war in Iraq, etc, then she should have used the occasion to endorse Obama and urge her supporters to put their full-throated roar in his corner. The tone of her speech made it seem that she only envisioned those things occurring with her as a four year occupant of the Oval Office…and that, fundamentally, is disturbing.

Kenner, LA:
McCain’s speech started out stiff, turned awkward and ended in a no-man’s land of creepiness. The words on the page were serviceable, but his delivery, feel and instincts were awful. He would have been better off merely releasing it as a press release, or having a stand-in do it for him. In fact, that should be a position-for-hire in his campaign, a stand-in speaker…he is that bad.

Bernoulli, Copernicus, Pythagoras &…Clinton

One unexpected revelation from this primary season is that Hillary Clinton belongs on the acknowledged list of famous mathematicians.

It’s a storied, elite group, but Hillary’s earned her place by showing that she can manufacture imaginary electoral theorems out of Boolean minutiae on a moment’s notice.

I’m talking about her assertion that she is winning the popular vote, a proposition that the entire universe outside of her husband, Howard Wolfson, Terry McAuliffe, Lanny Davis and other inner circle loyalists, rejects.

To those who live outside the gated community of Clintonia, the 2008 Democratic primary has been a closely contested race, but one that has produced a clear winner: Senator Barack Obama.

But don’t say that to Hillary. She sees another plane, a sixth dimension of sorts.

To her, the fact that so many people see a conclusion to the primary is exactly the kind of ignorance that confronted Galileo when he made his case about Heliocentrism to the Catholic Church.

Her brave, binary rebuttal, AKA “Hillary’s Special Theory of Voter Relativity,” goes something like this:

Democratic Nomination = (FL+MI)*1 + (PA+OH+MA+CA+IN+NH+KY+WV+RI+AZ+TN+OK+NY+AR+NM+NJ) + Σ{(NV*Population Factorial) + TX(Primary)} – 0(Obama Caucus totals + Uncommitted MI) + Σ(hard working voters*white skin + disenfranchised*white skin)

The amazing thing is that Hillary has been hiding this equation-wielding talent for thirty-five years, only to reveal it once she realized that the nomination cannot be won by conventional means, i.e. the rules.

Desperate, yes. Effective, no.

Come June 4th, the curtain’s coming down…whether she decides to leave the stage or not.

So…

So…Israel announces that it is holding peace talks with Syria. Will Our Great Leader point the appeasement finger their way? Is the Israeli delegation nothing but a bunch of modern Neville Chamberlains? Will Our Great Leader compare the Golan Heights to the Sudetenland? When will someone sit Our Great Leader down and make him learn some History before distorting it for his own warped purposes?

So…Our Great Leader won’t appease rogue nations, but his direct reports – people like Secretary of Defense Gates and Secretary of State Rice – will. It seems that Our Great Leader isn’t so great when it comes to basic logic.

So…Oil is expensive and Our Great Leader goes to Saudi Arabia to jawbone the King…and yet, oil prices continue to rise. You know what Our Great Leader would say if he let you ask him: “Just imagine how expensive it would be if I didn’t jawbone.”

So…Hillary Clinton can win in Appalachia, but can’t win the majority of contests, pledged delegates, super delegates or sanctioned votes. It is clear that there is only one solution: expand Appalachia.

So…Hillary Clinton is really concerned about voter enfranchisement in Florida and Michigan. Remember how she went to Florida and rolled up her sleeves back in November, 2000? Gee, neither do I…

So…Clueless Joe Lieberman wants to be this year’s Zell Miller. Someone needs to give this self-serving ass the hook. It’s not his lack of judgment which makes him intolerable. It’s the fact that he is a self-serving ass that makes him intolerable.

What Road Will Hillary Take?

“I am in this race because I believe I am the strongest candidate.”

Not only did Hillary Clinton say those words after her big victory in West Virginia, she will no doubt believe them for the rest of her life…just like Dick Cheney, George Bush and the triple chinned Neocon echo chamber will forever believe that it was a good idea to invade Iraq.

So far, Senator Clinton has earned lots of votes, delegates and primary victories. Unfortunately for her, she has just earned less of them than her opponent.

But despite the unfavorable mathematics, Hillary probably won’t concede until the very last vote is counted in Puerto Rico…and then pray that someone discovers a love letter from a young Barack Obama to Jane Fonda, circa 1972. Something like:

Dear Jane,

I recently saw pictures of your trip to Hanoi. You are really awesome. I’d love to meet you and give you a mix tape that I made for you. Do you like David Gates? I do.

Love,

Barry

In the absence of discovering something as ‘important’ as that, she will have to retire the campaign pantsuits for a few months before returning to Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Kentucky to tell her adoring fans that they really to support the nominee, Barack Obama.

Does anyone think that when the cameras aren’t looking, she will give folks a knowing wink?

At this point, it doesn’t matter what she says about her exit, but how she accepts it from this point forward. A graceful exit will go a long way to burnish the Clinton legacy…a tacky goodbye will only tarnish it.

It’s all up to her…

The Clinton Rules…

For those unsophisticated types who think the earth circles the sun, please set aside the reflex for preconception to consider…The Clinton Rules:

Winning is the only option, even if it means changing legal agreements, mathematical theories, party regulations, the laws of physics, planetary alignment and any other variable.

The only election results that matter are the ones they say ‘matter.’

The only voters who matter are the ones they say ‘matter.’

The truth is a relative thing, which means it is only relevant when they say it is.

In addition to being experts on everything, only they get to define certain words (remember “is?”)…especially “electable.”

Economists, and their “principles,” are silly – especially when Hillary needs to pander.

Only big states matter, unless Senator Obama wins North Carolina on a night when she wins Indiana.

Michigan and Florida need her advocacy – even though she agreed with the sanctions that invalidated their primary results – because it is her prerogative to change her mind on a moment’s notice.

Hillary loves whiskey and beer – in front of cameras on the campaign trail – even if they are only consumed by Bill at home in Chappaqua.

Hillary can ask why Senator Obama can’t “close the deal” without explaining why she can’t get out of his rear view mirror in the overall race.

Reverend Wright presents a far worse problem for her opponent than all of the accumulated Clinton scandals plus those that have yet to be identified from the post White House years.

The fact that Barack Obama has won the most states, delegates and votes is meaningless because the Clintons have different scorecards – and those are the only ones that count.

When reality sucks, embrace denial.

There was sniper fire on that tarmac, until You Tube proved there wasn’t. By the way, did you happen to see those Reverend Wright clips while you were there?

The Reverend’s Real Message

When an athlete lies seriously injured on the playing field, members of both teams gather around him in an act of quiet solidarity.

Simply put, players are willing push the limits of violence to win, but they do not want to hurt their opponents. They all realize that it could easily be them lying in agony, wondering if they will ever be able to walk again.

Politicians similarly accept that smear tactics are a part of their game. Furthermore, they are keenly aware that the candidate who most effectively manages this facet of the campaign usually wins the election…which explains why a loser like Karl Rove is not on skid row…and how George W. Bush became the 43rd president of the United States.

This reality brings us to the subject of Reverend Jeremiah Wright, a man who has the right to say whatever he wants, but a man whose words should not impact the 2008 presidential race.

To put the Pastor in proper perspective, think back five years on this date when our president strutted, cod piece out of place, across the deck of the Abraham Lincoln.

The irony of a man who did everything in his father’s power to avoid Viet Nam leveraging the visual assets of our nation’s military for political purposes was disgusting…but the media ate it up.

Bush’s Baa Baa Black Sheep costume party was a very low moment for the fourth estate, but perhaps there is a sliver lining…and that is to remind the public not to let the serious matter of selecting our 44th president disintegrate into a narrative of the ridiculous.

As this campaign unfolds, we need to remember how the press pushed the asinine storyline that voters ‘would rather have a beer’ with the alcoholic Bush back in 2000, just like they positioned him as the ‘average, regular guy’ when his background was anything but ‘average’ or ‘regular.’

But old habits die hard, and one needs to look no further than the fawning over John McCain’s dedication to principle, or Hillary’s transformation from Wellesley girl to Norma Rae.

It is clear that the mainstream media wants to look past our two wars, sputtering economy and public malaise. They want to believe that it is 2000 all over again.

Voters, however, know that this is no time to focus on anyone’s preacher. We need to support the individual who will best rally the nation in a time of clear need.

Hillary’s Last Hurrah

Yes, she won…as expected.

The good news for Hillary:
Hillary’s win in the Keystone state shows that her strengths have a definite demographic appeal (older folks, women specifically). Further, that her attacks against Senator Obama have worked with this constituency. She gets to fight on in Indiana and North Carolina even if it’s only for vanity.

The bad news for Hillary:
In a two person race, she still finds herself in second place in three key statistics: total number of delegates, states and votes.

The reality for Hillary:
A lot of pundits opine that Obama cannot “put her away” and “close the deal” but no one ever turns it around on them by pointing out that since she trails in delegates, votes and states, that she clearly has not “put away” Obama. Even worse, she can’t even get to the first step of that equation, which is to make him “trail.” The truth is that she was the prohibitive favorite for the nomination and is behind Senator Obama in every key category – no matter what her surrogates say.

An even harsher reality:
Hillary can campaign all she wants (and she wants), but she will never have the statistical argument that justifies her winning the nomination. All she will have is the same flawed argument that she will be even more beholden to…

The good news for Barack:
He weathered the barrage from all angles and was able to cut her twenty point Pennsylvania lead in half.

The bad news for Barack:
He lost the primary and still has to battle Clinton before he gets to McCain.

The reality for Barack:
He is campaigning against Bill and Hillary, but also against the insecurities of millions in his own party.

An even harsher reality:
Hillary Clinton might be a worthy opponent and decent colleague, but she is an extremely selfish person. Senator Obama will have to figure out a way – beyond her – to reach her constituency.

After 16 months, one truth:
All of Hillary’s protesting that “he can’t win” obscures one small fact…”she really can’t win.”

The Village Welcomes Another Idiot

I attended (as an observer, of course) the last Idiots rush party and saw the usual gathering of Bush apologists, right wing media nut cases, the 28% of the country that thinks things are on the “right track” and some guy I didn’t recognize sitting on a sofa next to Mohammet, Jugdish, Sidney and Clayton.

It turns out that person was a gentleman named Douglas E. Schoen, a pollster and former adviser to Bill Clinton.

Mr. Schoen, you might know, recently contributed an article to the Washington Post entitled “New Strategy for Clinton.” In it, he informs readers, among other things, that “Clinton has provided a compelling case for her candidacy thus far.”

And that’s not even the biggest Whopper in the piece, not by a long-shot. For example, Schoen writes: “For Clinton to capture the nomination she needs to completely abandon her positive campaign and continue to hammer away at Obama.”

It’s hard to know where to start, but let’s begin by assessing Schoen’s basic observational skills. By recommending her “to completely abandon her positive campaign,” Mr. Schoen splits an infinitive and assumes that she has run a “positive campaign.”

Uh, no…

Next, Mr. Schoen unwittingly proves that his candidate has already abandoned her “positive campaign” – in the very next clause – by writing “and continue to hammer away at Obama.”

But wait, there’s more wasted ink! Schoen pens: “As the underdog, Clinton’s positive message will not work unless she is able to undermine Obama’s candidacy.”

No one, not even Clarence Darrow, could make the argument that Hillary is the “underdog.” Remember, this is the candidate who presented herself as the presumptive, inevitable nominee for the entirety of 2007. Her attempts to reinvent herself as the scrappy comeback candidate reek of desperation.

My favorite Whopper, though, is this sentence: “Although voters and the media look favorably upon a positive campaign message, and Clinton is acutely conscious that too much negativity and too many personal attacks will hurt her party in November, a positive message is simply not enough to alter the race at this point.”

Translation – Hillary’s own ambition is more important than her party or the well being of the people…which justifies the degeneration of her campaign into an argument against Barack Obama as opposed to an articulation of her capabilities.

Nice way to end the conversation, Senator Clinton.